Thursday, January 28, 2010


Yeah, some who know me and who have been sleazing around my FaceCrack site know that I have become recently enamoured of this "word". I did not invent it. I give full credit to Gene Simmon's son Nick having heard him utter it on the show Gene Simmon's Family Jewels, a kind of guilty pleasure to watch and almost as fun as watching all those scrawny, whiny barbies duke it out on Survivor! or The Bachelor. Ahhhh, Homer Simpson would be wont to say, it gives us so much without making any demands upon us.

Procrasturbation, to me, is another way of saying I've got/had/still working through writer's block but it is giving myself pleasure in a sick and twisted way (think back to all those warnings about self-gratification that may have been issued to you as a teen) because I am engaging in the acts of procrastination and mental masturbation. Hehehehehe....muahahahaha. Damn, that felt really good. I think I will start all over again.

Writing is a weird and very self-indulgent pursuit and some get what the writer is up to and there are those who are just so fucking clueless that after emerging from a discussion with them your head is bloody and bruised. STOP IT!!!! Just do what needs to be done and if the next day when your eyes and your brain are back in synch and you dare to review what you have written, you can always change the words for the better or at least get more down and dirty. The latter sentiments are great especially when applied to sex, politics, sex, money-making activities, off-road adventures, sex.....okay, spring cannot arrive soon enough. You get the picture. There are always distractions that need to be dealt with.

Folks ask me all the time, how hard is it to work for yourself? Please refer to the above. Writers and other creative types who work for themselves are masters at avoidance and excel at creating diversions. Well, not necessarily avoidance for some of us but rather a sense of fear, possessiveness over our work (dare we share?) - one can get rather obsessive after awhile and thus become nuts. Ha! As if many of us were not somewhat certifiable already? Certifiable in whose eyes I ask? I am and always will be my worst critic and I am a bitch when it comes to my work.

Ordinary Man avoids tense situations - REPO MAN gets into tense situations......

Many folks tell me that they are envious of me in that I have been able to over the years combine my work and my pleasure and be able to make an income. They often say they wished they had the guts to get out there and get on the road or hop that plane to some third world wartorn shithole (best bars are always in shitholes and are patronised by some REAL characters whose guns are NOT props) and live my life. This is the part of the conversation where I either grimace, grin, laugh or just get up and say my goodbyes and go talk with someone reaction is always dependent upon a myriad of factors - age of the person, gender, enthusiasm, sincerity, is not that I am derisive but there are times when I would rather be a Homer Simpson than a DriveGoddess.....I have paid the price for that so-called freedom and lust for life.

That stuff comes later. That sort of stuff is why I procrasturbate. Ooooo, introspection - too heavy. Some things are only to be divulged at the right time and in thinking that way does that make me selfish? No, I do not believe so. Some stories are good enough to wait for. Some stories over time evolve and the misery and anger is replaced by self-deprecating humour.

When in doubt humour will get you through damned near anything. Of that, I know I am spot-on.

And yeah, masturbation is good too. I read somewhere, probably on the door of a bathroom stall in some truck stop in middle America, that it is good to get off everyday because it feels good. I mean really, what else is there to add to that sort of sentiment?

So, I will continue to procrasturbate because in an odd way, it does feel good.

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